Taking Off, With Criticism

 "A wise man will hear...fools despise wisdom and discipline." - Proverbs 1:5 & 7

Something exciting going on in my life right now is I'm working on a fantasy novel. It's a story that's been in my head for years, but I'm finally getting it out in the written form. Working with a developmental editor for the first time, I am grateful for my ability to heed criticism.

Hillary Clinton said this: "Take criticism seriously, but not personally." Joseph Smith, a great religious leader in my church who accomplished much, made mistakes, and has received literally volumes of praise and volumes of criticism, said something like this, "Whenever someone speaks ill of me, I think: 'Is there anything I have done that might give them good reason to say that?' And then I vow, never to do it again." Whether you're Joseph Smith or Hillary Clinton, anyone who wants to grow is going to take criticism. 

In writing my book, getting that first edit back my ego was blown. I've written and been critiqued and had my word edited before; I usually am grateful for how it helps me improve. However, for some reason it was extra hard this time to have someone pick apart my work. Maybe, because I have been putting off writing this story for two decades and a lot of heart and soul has gone into stewing, and humming and finally writing! And... it's not perfect first try. What did I miss? 

Anyway, after applying just this first bit of advice, I'm so much happier with my work. It's also crucial in recovery to be able to listen to the counsel and advice (suggestions) of those who know and care.

My mother told me one time when I was about 15 that I do not take criticism well. I was shocked and hurt (I couldn’t take it, until much later).

One piece of criticism I have taken in over the years is to think before I speak. As an extrovert who processes through talking, this can be really hard for me. 

I wrote this poem about following that advice. “You don’t have to tell everyone everything,” a good friend told me, after I had very much offended someone by telling them what was in my head. That was a revelation to me, and I have tried to incorporate it, since.

Being newly married, I have been reminded in kind, to follow the advice of this poem I wrote a few years back…

Think Before You Open Your Mouth

By Elias Orrego

Sometimes my head is an utter disaster

Words come spewing out like milk from a cow.

It's thick, it's creamy

Might be the perfect ingredient for juicy gossip

It sure makes a sound when it hits the bucket!

To some, its potency might offend

others don't mind a squirt in their mouth,

so long as they don't mind a hair or some dirt,

along side it,

                        whatever else was picked up

by the flying white fountain, that also might end up

in their eye, on their cheeks, in the lap--

Ever tried to catch liquid that is flying through the air 

in your mouth?

So what if I brushed my teeth?

So what if I used a strong brush and scrubbed vigorously?

Some words that come straight from this horse's mouth

taste like the cow ran through an onion patch.

And think of the mess on the floor...       what?

                                                                             a waste.

So I'm learning to fill my bucket

Carry it inside, let it settle,

Let the milk divide from the cream.

And give people just the right portions

of cream with their milk,

once its strained and nicely presented in a clear cup,

It is ready to serve.

I can make what I want of my thoughts

Be it butter to spread

                    a well placed dollop of sour yogurt

    Cheesy jokes?                                We got that...

for those who want sweetened and condensed

                I can

2%

       1%, if they think they've had enough

And for those who require the real watered down (tasteless) version 

                                                    I can skim.

                But I vow never to homogenize,

so the essence and meaning remain, regardless of form.

And whatever I say, I'll try not to go back

to squirting people in the face.