“Let Virtue Garnish,” “Let There Be Light…”

 "Let your light so shine..."  - Matthew 5:16




People love lighthouses. I used to think that being a light for Christ, an example of a believer meant being a perfect example of Him. Well that role has already been taken.

Today, to me, shining my light means sharing my story. Raw, real, unpleasant at times, imperfect, cracked and flawed. This is me. 

What I’m about to share is not what I would call art, though it is poetically expressed. It is my testimony. My experience. Understanding of sexuality and faith and sexuality in faith and vice versa. A perspective developed over 20 plus years. I enjoy a happy family life, and a peaceful personal life (for the most part)—fruits of this fighting voice I read in my own words, written only a few years ago.

Thank you for tuning in.



Okay

By Elias Orrego


I notice that I feel attraction to the opposite sex, to the same sex

I have curiosity about my own body, my own private parts and the private parts of others 

I have the same private parts as other boys

I have different private parts than girls

That is exciting to me


I want to express myself

I want to connect with others

I have urges inside to connect with others through my body


I learn about boundaries

I learn about love

I learn about self-mastery, self-discipline

I learn about selfishness

I learn about appropriate touching 

What is okay and what is not okay


I learn about faithfulness

I learn about commitment

I learn about doing what is right even when it is hard

I learn about telling the truth, even when it seems scary


The things I feel, I notice

Not everything I think is okay to keep thinking about—I learn I can stop without shaming myself. 

I can say, “I’m not bad, but that thought is bad”.

I notice I want to touch and play in ways that are not appropriate, in ways that cross boundaries, in ways that cause harm to myself and others. 

I recognize that I love others, I love God and I love myself, and in order to fully express that love, I must not give in to those urges to behave inappropriately. I must not linger on those fantasies—must not develop and flesh them out. The urge to fantasize and lust comes, but I have learned that it does not bring me happiness to give in to it. It leads to loss of control and sadness—harm for myself and others. I get the urge to play with my own private parts but I understand that that is a misuse and I know that it causes me harm and sorrow. I choose to love myself, others and God, and to control my urges and thoughts.


I am a man. I am a child of God, created in His image and likeness, in the male form. I experience manhood. I celebrate how God made me. I celebrate that I am different from women. I celebrate their uniqueness and their beauty. I want to protect them. I want to protect children—boys and girls. I want to respect them. I want to protect other men. I want to protect myself. I want to respect myself and others. I have learned that life is peaceful when I respect and live within the boundaries God has established. I am able to have meaningful and fulfilling relationships with my fellow brothers and sisters, I am able to have a meaningful relationship with God. I can develop and mature as a human being—as a child of God, a male, a man. I have masculinity. I am not ashamed to be who I am. I am not ashamed to have sexual urges.


I have a holy desire to one day be in an equal partnership, a marriage to a woman—a daughter of God, created in the image of God, in the female form. I a husband, she a wife—us two. I will be faithful and committed to her. We will have a love-filled, wholesome and holy relationship, that includes sex—the proper sexual expression of my full maleness and masculinity and the proper and full expression of her femaleness and femininity. I will give, she will receive me. There will be self-control and bridled passions in this relationship and in this expression. It will be within the bounds that the Lord has set for His children—in the roles of loving, patient, kind, respectful husband and wife. God will direct and dwell in this relationship, and together we will invite His children into the world, in His way, out of love. I am preparing for that sacred relationship of marriage and pray that God continues to prepare me for it and make my heart ready for marriage.


I am learning to practice virtue before the Lord, in my thoughts and actions. He is teaching me His ways of discipline, holiness and godliness. 


I am learning to respect women, womanhood and their femininity. I am learning to appreciate and love womanhood and women. I am learning to appreciate and respect and love manhood, maleness, masculinity and my own manhood, maleness and masculinity. I am learning appropriate expressions and control over my passions, without shaming or judging myself. I do not have the place or need to shame or judge anyone. I do not have the place or need to invalidate anyone else’s experience. 


I know what I know

I feel what I feel

I experience what I experience

I think what I think

I choose to let God be the director of my path and my passion—I trust in Him

I am happy, I am committed, I am whole in Christ


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