Blame VS Understanding

Blame is easier than understanding. It saves us the effort of thinking, and it spares us the pain of confronting our own flaws. But understanding is power—it allows us to see the world as it is, and people as they are, not as we wish them to be. 

-Robert Greene, "The Laws of Human Nature"






Life comes with challenges. Nobody would argue with that. But how those challenges come about, and how they are processed represents a whole range of human experience and a huge array of individual choices.

Do we have free will? Lets assume we do, because if we didn't there can be no relevant conversation on self-improvement or justification in our own feelings and conclusions, which is the topic of this post.

So if we and everyone has free well, then we are free to blame ourselves or others for whatever ills we are facing.

Dr. David Hawkins describes blame as merely a transfer of one's pain. It is an outward-focused emotion, facing the pain outward and is disempowering to oneself. It is associated with emotions of shame, fear and anger and can keep us in lower states of consciousness.

On the other hand, breathing, taking a step back from a situation and seeing my own hand in it, facing that discomfort, walking a mile in another's shoes...these practices have helped me open up to a world of possibility. A world where healing becomes a possibility. A world where understanding can begin.

Seeing my own role or involvement in a situation or outcome does not mean shifting the blame to myself and wallowing in shame and self-hatred, either, it is inviting a higher voice of reason and wisdom into my consciousness. It can involve courageously "hugging the cactus" (the prickly parts of myself I dislike and try to hide). As a result I am not unconsciously ruled by my pain, and I stop flinging that pain (in the form of blame) onto others.

My therapist once told me I must own my struggles or they will own me. I have seen both sides. When Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, all was well, but when he had a great fall even all the kings horses and all the king's men couldn't do what was ultimately a job for himself and God to fulfil...putting all the broken pieces of himself back together again. It's not about getting mad at the wall, its not about getting mad at the ground, or the rigidity, weakness or human state of the self in pain, or the King or his horses or men. It is about letting go, acknowledging the hurt and the pain, and taking personal responsibility for your own healing.

Here is a poem that explores the futility of pointing a finger outward, when the solution is an inside job.


Is It About Time?
by Elias Orrego

Time and me, me and Time

we don’t get along.

There always seems to be some argument 

going on

  who’s right?

      Who can get there first…

          how long will it take?

But time, yeah, he usually wins

That jerk,

        (rigs the system).

He’s got all the strings to pull


I say, I have 10 minutes,

I can shave, tie my tie,

tie my shoes in 5 minutes.

I can drive to church in 6 minutes.

So if I hurry, I still have 3 minutes

to sit here and read

(but I’m a slow reader–if time 

says it takes 3 minutes to read an 

article      I says it takes 4.5, cuz 

you gotta think, you gotta process…time).

Time to go!    So I still end up 5 minutes

late

         Every   time

Still tying    my shirt,

                                      shoes are slip on now

Not going to use a slip on tie though,

I’m too proud for that, not since I

was 5.


6 minutes late now, I tied my tie

  too short.

7.  I tied it too loooong.

 8, and I was speeding

9 and I was running.     

But the meeting didn’t start on Time.


When the bus comes early, I come

   late.

   When the bus comes late I wait

And    wait    and  wait. 

   can  never    time it    right

  with Time

without         time

              Where’s the time?

When you need it.

                           I haven’t found the time:

I finished my homework on the bus

but then I’m still late

            I ran, then I sweat

  What a thrill   ,  just-on–  ‘time’.

Darn, the class was meeting in the

   auditorium that

           Day.

   The sign on the door reminded me

When I arrived 

                 right on

                           …Time


   But hey…


I can spend more of my life 

figuring out this kooky relationship

I have with Father…       time


Or

I can watch another internet video,

  And forget

                             Until next time.




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