Writer's Digestion

When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.   - Fred Rogers One form of trauma is shock. I am fascinated by shock. Electric shock can be used in forms of therapy to change brain chemistry to relieve patients suffering from depression, and it is also used in torture. Yet, on a regular basis, we all experience various forms of shock. Shock is like Surprise's evil twin. It can be something as disturbing as news of a war in a far away country, or a shooting close to home. It can be getting dumped or told, "it was just a fling." Getting fired, or getting rear ended. When it comes to a medical diagnosis, there are multiple ways of experiencing shock, but they all have to do with blood flow ( What You Should Know About Shock, by "Healthline" ). They all involve a reduction in blood pressure. On the one hand, shock can be the result of something big like an obstruction in blood flow to the heart, but it can also be...

  "When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." -Wayne Dyer Not much to say, today about this story.  It's one I've been thinking of writing for a while. My perspective on others has changed over time, as I've expanded my view, and in particular, as I have gotten to know them. The chance to work closely with Police Officers, lately (as a janitor), has helped me see them as people. As I've served them, and observed them, laughed with them, and talked with them, I have grown more understanding and appreciation. I have grown to connect, respect and love, rather than to distance and to label and judge.  I was 'on duty' when they got the call at the station for the recent Bank Robbery of the BMO ( What we know about the deadly bank robbery in Saanich, B.C. , by Josh Grant). I used to judge others to make myself feel safe, cool, or part of a group. Or to make myself feel better about being imperfect. Well, that kind of thinking only...

"Under the surface/ I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus" - Luisa   (" Surface Pressure ", Ecanto ) Stress. Stress, stress, stress, STRESS. How do you handle stress? How do you deal with stress? What is stress? Science defines stress as the body’s natural response to change. It is exciting, it keeps us busy and keeps us growing. An NBC article explains: Good stress is the type of emotional challenge where a person feels in control and provides some sense of accomplishment. It can improve heart function and make the body resistant to infection, experts say. Far from being something we need to eliminate from our lives, good stress stimulates us. (" Can Stress Actually Be Good for You? ", by Jane Weaver).  So, while small amounts of stress for short periods of time is healthy, stress in large amounts…for long periods of time…is phewy. I remember learning in college biology about cells. All cells divide using DNA, of course. Every ti...

  No one condemns the child that falls, while learning to walk. Whether it's trying to hit a baseball, singing in a choir, or trying to succeed at work, adopting a perfectionist mindset has not served me well, my life over. It's been especially unhelpful when it comes to self-improvement, religion and morale. Not only is it discouraging to fall below unrealistic expectations time and time again, but the entire philosophy can be crippling and even immobilizing. So many times I have foregone beginning something new or moving forward with a project, because I think "everything has to be perfect" before I can act.  For me, this kind of thinking has led to numerous unfinished, and even more unstarted tasks. Goal-setting sessions turn into fantasies in dreamland, and revisiting goals turns into personal shaming. For years of my life I have lived, suffocating my spirits, unable to be happy, unable to experience joy, because I know I am not perfect, or I fear I will fall shor...

I hit rock bottom when I decided to stop digging. A frequent phase I hear from my sponsor's sponsor is "the price of admission". There is a lot of talk among addicts in recovery about being "qualified to be here." That is, qualified to be present in a meeting. In AA, the only qualification of membership is a desire to stop drinking (or to stop your addictive behavior). Now, why would that be a qualification? Well, it's pretty hard to stop something that you don't want to stop. In the " How it Works " section of the Big Book, we read the following: Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping ...

"...the serenity to accept the the things I cannot change..." - Reinhold Neibuhr Mark Twain said,  “What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so.” The thousand mile road of recovery begins with one step: admission. The first of the 12 steps of addiction recovery has two parts. Part one "admit that I am powerless over my addiction...". Part two is to "admit...that my life has become unmanageable." Together, they make up the admission of a condition, a state of being, a reality.  What might an unmanageable life look like? For me, it looks like an illusion that "everything is ok". This often involves denial of my own lived experience and the squelching of feelings. It often requires me to lie, hide or minimize realities to others. Worse still, it leads me to insert my will in places where it shouldn't be. The Big Book describes one aspect of this as an ego-centric or self-centered...

“Mental Heath is a commitment to reality at all cost.” - M. Scott Peck . Last year, I visited Niagara Falls  for the first time. It’s serene and it’s beautiful to be totally captivated in their majesty. With the noise of over 2 million litres per second crashing into lake below, and being splashed in the face with mist, all the senses are enlivened.  You feel very alive, there is no question. But, secondarily, in the wake of the awe there is a feeling of smallness, almost insignificance. Really, for me it is the feeling of healthy respect for the unimaginable power of the falls before me. The knowledge that jumping in the beckoning blueish green and white heaven I see casting a rainbow before me, would kill me with no thought.  As dealt with in Samuel Coleridge’s poem “Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner” , nature can be seen as indifferent to the safety of my puny body. If I were to jump, I would die. Nothing natural could save me. But, my decision to stay back kept m...